Nepoticide : Invest in birthcontrol maybe?? : Cronos and Kamsa

 Mythology’s Messiest Uncles and Their Doom-by-Baby Fetish

Ever notice how ancient tyrants never learn? Take Kamsa (Hindu myth) and Cronos (Greek legend). These paranoid uncles had identical playbooks: swallow/kill babies, get owned by the one kid who slipped through. Prophecy? More like a self-fulfilling idiot trap. Let’s break it down.

Cronos: The OG Uncle-daddy and Baby-Gobbler (Greek Mythology)

• The Setup: Daddy Cronos gets a prophecy: "Your own kid will yeet you off the throne."

• His Solution: Marry sister Rhea → Swallow every kid she pops out. Smooth.

• The Twist: Rhea hides baby #6, Zeus, swaps him for a rock (classic). Cronos swallows it.

• The End: Zeus grows up, forces Cronos to puke up his siblings, and dethrones him. Karma’s a bitch

Kamsa: The Mathura Menace (Hindu Mythology)

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  • The Setup: Kamsa overthrows his dad (Uranus vibes, anyone?), imprisons sister Devaki (Rhea 2.0) after a prophecy: "Your 8th nephew will END you."

  • His Solution: Kill every baby Devaki births. Six newborns, six tiny graves.

  • The Twist: Baby #8, Krishna (Zeus with a flute), gets swapped with a baby girl born to Yasodha. Kamsa spares her (lol, "prophecy said nephew!").

  • The End: Krishna chugs cow milk (upgrade from Zeus’ goat milk), grows up, and cave-chests Kamsa into the afterlife. Bye, uncle.

Moral of the story : 

If you’re a tyrant with a prophecy-obsessed ego?
Castrate your brother-in-law.
Or use condoms.
Or slip your sister birth control.
At minimum: DON’T LOCK HER IN A ROOM WITH HER HUSBAND.
Seriously, Kamsa. Use your brain.