Loki & Sigyn: Eternal Drip Feed of Misery
The Setup:
After the gods of Asgard finally hit their limit with Loki's shenanigans (allegations: orchestrating Baldr's death via blind Hoor, aiding Idun's kidnapping, general godly-stirring), they decided on permanent time-out until Ragnarok.
The Sentence (Because Gods are Extra):
Turned his son Vali into a wolf.
Made Vali tear apart his other son, Narfi. (Family therapy clearly not an option).
Used Narfi's guts as divine rope to bind Loki to three rocks.
Positioned a venom-dripping serpent directly over his head. All day, every day. Forever.
Wifey (The Underwritten Heroine):
Enter Sigyn. Faithful? Absolutely. Named more than twice in the lore? Sadly, no. Her job? Sit beside her bound hubby, holding a bowl to catch the endless snake-spit. Talk about a toxic relationship.
Earthquakes Explained (Badly):
Whenever the bowl inevitably filled up and Sigyn had to briefly step away to empty it... venom hit Loki's face. His writhing agony? That's your Norse earthquake origin story. Efficient, if grim.
The Butter Recipe (Divine Edition):
How do gods churn cosmic buttermilk (the ocean/Milky Way) for butter (priceless treasures like Lakshmi)?
Rope: The serpent Vasuki.
Pole: Mountain Mandara (prone to sinking).
Float: Lord Krishna's turtle avatar (because why not?).
Manpower: Asuras (giants) pulling Vasuki's head, Devas (demigods) yanking the tail. A celestial tug-of-war = churning.
Method Gone Wrong:
Churn: Gods and giants pull. Ocean churns.
Discard the Froth: First result? Not butter. Poison. Specifically, the universe-melting "Halahala." Whoops.
Stuck With It: Nowhere to dump apocalyptic poison. Churning stalls. Panic ensues.
The Shiva Save (Questionable Decision-Making):
Chief God Shiva, in a move of either supreme sacrifice or profound lack of OSHA training, drank the poison. Predictably, he started turning blue and combusting internally.
Wifey (Slightly More Proactive Than Sigyn):
Parvati, witnessing her husband glow like a toxic nightlight, rushed in. Her solution? Strangle him. Well, grab his throat to stop the poison going down. The poison got stuck. Forever. Shiva now rocks a permanent blue throat bulge.
Adam's Apple Origin Story (According to Some):
That stuck poison bulge? That's the Hindu explanation for the Adam's apple in men... and Shiva's eternally raspy voice. Thanks, Halahala!
Moral of the Stories:
Not all wives are poison. Some, like Sigyn and Parvati, actively combat it (literally). Exceptions exist!
...But maybe bring a bigger bowl? Sigyn, honey, Norse Home Depot didn't stock larger basins? Or maybe a funnel/drainpipe system? Parvati, darling, "grab his neck" was plan A? No antidote R&D before letting him chug universe-venom? Brilliant devotion, questionable problem-solving skills. Divine wives deserve better scripts.
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