Greek Mythology: Athena's "Virgin" Birth-by-Box
The Setup:
Hephaestus (blacksmith god) helped Zeus birth Athena from his skull. Years later, Athena visited for weapons. Hephaestus—overcome by lust—chased her. She fled; he "spilled his divine seed" on her thigh.
Hephaestus, the blacksmith god, whose failed attempt to assault Athena results in him ejaculating on her thigh. Athena, grossed out, wipes it off with wool and tosses it in a box. That wool-box combo? It somehow transforms into Erichthonius, a future king of Athens. Call it the Athena thigh-to-box pipeline—a disturbing shortcut to parenthood.
The DIY Baby:
Disgusted, Athena:
Wiped it off with wool.
Tossed the wool in a box.
BOOM — the semen morphed into Erichthonius, a full-term baby.
*Athena’s review: “0/10 stars. Would not recommend divine harassment or wool-based wombs.”*
Hindu Mythology: Bharadwaj’s Pot of Instant Parenthood
The Setup:
Sage Bharadwaj saw apsara Ghritachi bathing semi-nude in the Ganga. Burning desire → spontaneous emission. Quick-thinking sage:
Caught fluid in a water pot.
VOILÀ — it grew into Drona (future warrior-guru).
Bharadwaj’s notes: “Pros: No pregnancy cravings. Cons: Explaining pot-baby to students.”
Sage Bharadwaj, who spots the celestial nymph Ghritachi bathing in the Ganga. Overwhelmed with lust, he ejaculates spontaneously—but instead of letting it go to waste, he scoops it into a pot of water. From that pot, Drona is born—who grows up to become the legendary guru of the Mahabharata. No womb, no wife—just a bachelor’s pot incubator by the riverbank.
Modern Takeaways
Shampoo bottles: Potential fetal hazard (per user experience).
Pots/boxes: OSHA-violation baby factories.
Mythology: Where celibacy meets creative family planning.
Every drop of semen has a destiny. Spill it, and you might accidentally create a future warlord or king. The ancient message is clear:
“Every sperm is sacred.
Spill = infanticide.
Wank = genocide.”
Final Wisdom:
Gods and sages: turning accidental spills into legendary heroes since 1000 BCE.
(Condom companies hate this one trick.)
No comments:
Post a Comment