Ah, mythology—where the gods have the emotional stability of toddlers and yogis curse first, meditate never. Today, we examine two tales of divine overreactions that make your boss’s Monday morning rants look reasonable.
Greek Mythology: Apollo’s Bad Yelp Review for Crows
Once upon a time, crows were fabulous—silver-white feathers, voices like Beyoncé, the whole package. Then Apollo, god of music and also extreme pettiness, sent one on a simple errand: "Fetch me some water, bird."
What did the crow do?
Got distracted by figs (relatable).
Waited for them to ripen (commitment to snack excellence).
Showed up late with a weak excuse ("Uh… traffic?").
Apollo, being the ultimate lie detector (and also just mean), cursed the crow with:
Jet-black feathers (forever looking like it just rolled out of a chimney).
A voice that sounds like a broken kazoo (RIP, crow’s singing career).
Moral of the story? White lies lead to black feathers. Also, gods are terrible bosses.
(Meanwhile, seagulls exist—screaming, stealing fries, and somehow avoiding divine punishment. Explain that, Apollo.)
Hindu Mythology: The Day Elephants Got Grounded
Once, elephants had wings (yes, wings). They were basically flying SUVs—majestic, heavy, and terrible at judging structural integrity.
One day, a group of winged elephants thought: "Hey, let’s take a nap on this tiny tree!"
Spoiler: The tree did not appreciate this.
The branches snapped, crushing a yogi’s meditation session (and probably a few students). The yogi, instead of taking a deep breath and counting to ten, went full "SERENITY NOW, INSANITY LATER" and cursed all elephants to lose their wings forever.
Moral of the story?
Yogis need better coping mechanisms.
This is why pumpkins grow on vines and not trees. (Imagine a pumpkin falling on you. RIP.)
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